The oxymoron of frummies

Why is it that people put on a show? It happens in every aspect of life. People will show that they have more money than they actually have, buy a house they can't afford(but that is for another blog), or dress in a different way than that is representative of themselves. Why do people do it? I think the main reason why people do it is because it makes them feel better about themselves. There was even a movie about it, "Keeping With the Steins." It is true about physical things and spiritual things just as much. People think it is a contest to see who the frummest is. If they aren't so frum, then they will put on a show to seem like they are frummer than they are. I have noticed this a lot recently. People are not honest about how frum they are. Also, I've noticed recently that people who pretend they are frum will be a lot quicker to judge those who aren't as frum as they are. It is easy for them to do so, because the not so frum person doesn't put on a show. The thing is that these people don't realize how stupid they are. They are always thinking about what people will think and about looking frum that they don't actually fix the things that they are doing wrong. It is so pathetic. Yes there are some things which are halacha and some things are just made up. There are levels of halacha and people worry about the external things and not what really matters. People just do things in public to look like they are frum which are really machmir opinions on a minhag, but when they are in private they don't keep real halacha. I just don't get why people care what others think. That means they are letting other people control their lives. That is a little sad. Unfortunately, this mentality is so prevalent in the orthodox community. I do not have statistics, but I have just been noticing so much more. As I graduate and enter the real world, I see it more and more. I will start talking about girls now because I don't really care so much about boys because I am not marrying one and I don't look for this stuff. Girls think the frummer they look, the better guy they will get. I believe that is actually totally false. The problem is that they will end up with someone who is just as big a faker as they are. Their boyfriend won't tell them that they miss minyan and its just all a charade. I guess it works because they are both fakers and that is what makes them compatible. If that girl just worked on being actually frum, she would be much better off. Same goes for the guy as well. Let me share some examples with you.
1- Friends of mine have told me that while getting dressed in the bunkhouses of Camp HASC, girls will ask if an outfit looks frum enough. Really?!? Wear whatever the heck is comfortable!!! I believe this story because...
2- A counselor in my bunkhouse in HASC asked if he looked frum enough it what he was wearing. This I heard with my own two ears. Unfortunately HASC is where a lot of this fake frumness happens. They do so much good there and it is thrown all away by this facade.
3- A girl just got facebook and friended me. It took me a while to figure it out because her name was spelled backwards. I asked her why her name was spelled backwards and why she wouldn't put up a picture of herself in her profile. Her response was that she didnt want graduate schools to see her profile. First of all, there are privacy settings. You can control who sees you and what they see. Second, if that is why, don't get facebook at all!!!!!!
4- I asked a girl who I thought was pretty frum if she wanted her husband to learn (I don't mean in kollel. I mean like night seder after dinner). She said aboslutely not. I was shocked to say the least. I just don't get it. What is the point of you doing all your frum stuff if you don't want your family to do what is actually important?!?!?!
5- A guy can make an inappropriate joke and a girl will laugh at it a lot and then when she is done laughing, she will crticize the guy for making the joke. If you think it is that wrong to begin with, you shouldn't have laughed in the first place. That is mixed messages.

An example of someone owning up to themselves is a girl went out to a bar and had some drinks. She got drunk and had some clean fun after. She enjoyed that night. She realized she had fun but it was a mistake and she doesn't do it anymore.

I think a huge part of this issue is the Israel seminary experience. Girls are talked to so much about what they wear and how they look and not how to think for themselves. It is totally useless. They should be taught how to mesh the ideals of Israel with the reality of America. I know this is a huge issue in Orthodoxy and I do not think this will change it. I just hope that it will get people to think for themselves.

Disclaimer: While the above stories are true, if they are about you and you are upset that I wrote it, then it is not about you. If you are upset because you think I am wrong please comment. Also, I obviously do think I am right in all my points. I would love for people to comment and poke holes in my arguement, so I can refine and correct it. Thanks so much for reading and if you have any topics you would like me to write about please let me know.